You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
