Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
