Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
