So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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