I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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