she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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