Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
