I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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