one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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