whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
