summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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