We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
