I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
