I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
