I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's always time for handjobs
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
