so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
