Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
