i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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