No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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