so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize