he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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