I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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