I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
