I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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