I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
