im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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