Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
