You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im part way to drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
