This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
