when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
