the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
