I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Panties = found
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