I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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