would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
