Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We need to get me chipped asap
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
