ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize