I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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