When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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