I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
