I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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