Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
