Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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