If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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