"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i drank out of a bidet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
