do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
soo... how was my night?
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