Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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