Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
