yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
