90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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