It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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