I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
