i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
