she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
vagina is talking i cant
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
