Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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