my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I cut my penus on the lid.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
