My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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