Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
