If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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