Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
