you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
