Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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