I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
