my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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