When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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