he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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