Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
