wakey wakey hands off snakey
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
