I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She told me I should be a condom model.
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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